


Tick Tock

by eajwrites



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied Self-Harm, Jaebri, Jaehyungparkian, M/M, YoungK is Brian, all are implied so it's not that angsty, dont expect too much its not that angsty, emotionally wrecked, implied rape, parkian, wonpil mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24148615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eajwrites/pseuds/eajwrites
Summary: Jae raised his brows, noting how the person who wrote the blog used the phrase 'this seriously sucks' again. Like… the set of words was their favorite...like... a certain someone. He smiled at the thought.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 16
Kudos: 59





	Tick Tock

_18:33, October 13th_

_So tired. Mom and Dad found out that I failed to ace Literature. Now I'm stuck reading classics like my life depended on it. This seriously sucks._

Jae clicked his tongue because salute to this person, keyword: failed to ace. As far as he could remember, he almost failed on the subject twice. Once in middle school and another one last year, while he was basking in the glory of being a senior high school student. 

Good thing he had Brian, his best friend. The younger boy forced unspeakable amounts of prose and poetry down his throat until he could swallow no more. He thought he would definitely bleed letters if he cut himself open back then. 

Jae dramatically shuddered at the thought before he scrolled down, skipping some dates and proceeded to read the entry that caught his eyes.

_18:40, October 20th_

_I skipped piano lesson to play at the arcade with friends. My parents didn’t know. Yet._

_I wasn't scared at all when I was smashing buttons and pulling sticks earlier but now that I’m home, I’m so nervous I can’t calm down. Should I tell them now? Or should I wait for my piano teacher to tell them? They will definitely get disappointed in me. I don't want this. But I feel so empty I want something new. Some sort of distraction to temporarily pull me away from my repetitive and stressful life._

_I want to talk to my best friend but he isn’t answering my calls. This seriously sucks._

Jae raised his brows, noting how the person who wrote the blog used the phrase 'this seriously sucks' again. Like… the set of words was their favorite...like... a certain someone. He smiled at the thought.

He couldn't sympathize even if he tried though. Why would someone get scared of one skipped piano lesson? It's not the end of the world. Look at him. He couldn't even start to count how many times he skipped Maths in just one semester.

_18:35, October 23rd_

_My parents still didn’t know that I skipped my piano lesson. And now I know why. My teacher kept quiet about it. In exchange he wants me to go downtown tonight. Should I go?_

_By the way, I tried talking to my best friend to ask for his opinion about this but he never replied to my text. I guess I should just go and see what happens._

"What the hell man," Jae murmured. It bothered him how the 'best friend' was always absent every time this person needed their presence. So lame. He wondered why Brian wanted him to read this. Was he trying to tell Jae that he's as lame as this 'best friend'?

_18:46, October 24th_

_This morning I woke up with bruises all over my body. And 'til now I can still feel everything. His hands. His mouth. And his…but anyway, what’s there to grieve about, right? I am not a girl. I am not that weak. I didn’t lose anything._

Jae stopped reading. 

He pressed the home button to exit the browser and dialed Brian’s number. 

It rang once…twice…thrice. He sighed. Sure that Brian wouldn’t be picking up, he tapped on the red button to cancel. 

He wanted to know where the hell this blog was going. Who was the person who wrote this? But Brian wasn't answering so the only way to find out was to continue reading. So read, he did.

_But why was my mind blank the whole time I was at school? And why is it so difficult to meet my best friend’s eyes?_

18:29. Jae glanced at the time on the upper left corner of his phone as he was considering to go see if Brian was at his house. Maybe he was just asleep, that's why he wasn't picking up. If so, he could go there and pour water on his face if that's what it would take to wake him up.

_18:38, January 25th_

_Hello. It’s been three months now. That thing from last time happened a lot more by the way. Strangely I feel nothing now. Is this weird? I don't know. Is it because I became used to it already? My teacher said that I should try doing it with his friends too. He said his friends will pay. And I think it's pretty cool._

Cold hands caressed Jae's flesh and bones as he read on.

_My parents don’t know a thing because I still maintained my number one spot at school. As long as that doesn’t change, they won’t notice. Haha. And my best friend. I tried talking to him today…For the last time I want to ask for his help because he’s the only one I know that won’t judge me, but today he looked so happy I didn’t want to break his mood with my problem._

_Wonpil, his long time crush finally accepted him. So instead of telling him my problem, I brightly smiled and congratulated him like I usually did whenever he gets into a new relationship. But am I happy? Fuck, of course not. That's it. Tonight, I’m doing it._

Jae removed his glasses and ran his hands on his face because shit. Wonpil. It was fucking messed up. Was Brian just messing up with him? But Brian wouldn't do this kind of joke. With slightly trembling hands, he put on his glasses again and left his bed. He threw on a black sweater he picked up from the back of his chair and grabbed his wallet before exiting his room.

“Mom I’ll be at Brian’s!” he said aloud as he crossed their living room.

“Make sure to come back before nine,” his mother yelled back from somewhere. Kitchen maybe. He didn't really care. 

“Okaaay," he answered while trying to make his voice steady. Breathing was starting to get difficult as he dialed Brian’s number again. This time, he waited until he was sent to voicemail so he could record a short message. "Bri I'm going to your house now."

_18:33, February 4th_

_I did it. Everything felt disgusting. They're a bunch of old men with wives and children. But I still did it. At first I was a bit scared when I saw them but I didn't know what came to me. Suddenly the prospect of staining myself even more thrilled me._

_And here's the funny part. My parents continued to boast about me in front of their friends. They say that their son is a top student. That their son is a music genius. That their son is so prim and proper. Who are they talking about? I don't know if I want to laugh or vomit. The feeling is so insane._

_They don’t have any idea how dirty I became. And I pity their friends who envied them for having a son like me._

Jae fought the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes as he stood there, waiting for the scheduled bus to arrive all the while praying that he's wrong. 

That what he was thinking was wrong. 

Because fuck. 

Brian. The one and only person he truly liked for so many years. 

Not even a hundred of Kim Wonpils could ever replace him in his heart. 

The only thing stopping him from confessing was the hard fact that Brian was straight and pure.

So it couldn't be. 

It just couldn't be.

_18:32, March 2nd_

_My best friend had an accident. God I want to help him. His family doesn’t have enough money to cover all of the hospital expenses and here I am with my bank account loaded from all of the whoring I'm doing._

_But I don’t want to help him with my filthy money. This sin is all mine. What should I do? I really can’t. I don’t want to taint him. Not him. Anyone but him. I love him even if I have no right to, given how despicable and rotten I am. This tremendously sucks. I love him so damn much._

Jae scrolled up to reread the entry in case he misunderstood it. 

_18:32, March 2nd_

_My best friend had an accident. God I want to help him. His family doesn’t have enough money to cover all of the hospital expenses and here I am with my bank account loaded from all of the whoring I'm doing._

_But I don’t want to help him with my filthy money. This sin is all mine. What should I do? I really can’t. I don’t want to taint him. Not him. Anyone but him. I love him even if I have no right to, given how despicable and rotten I am. This tremendously sucks. I love him so damn much._

No.

His heart pounded inside his chest as the familiarity of all the circumstances started to solidify even more.

The bus pulled in front of him. 

He climbed the vehicle in a state of shock. The driver had to remind him to swipe his card.

Upon settling down on one of the empty seats at the back, he tried to reach Brian again. 

Still, there was no answer. Jae was frustrated and helpless as of the moment to say the least. _Why isn’t he answering his phone? I thought we're good now?_

Brian avoided him for the past two months. He didn’t know what he did that made his best friend turn away from him but all he could remember was that it happened right after his discharge from the hospital. The younger didn’t even congratulate him for his recovery. 

But then today, all of a sudden Jae received a mail from Brian with the link to the blog and he even told him that he would not avoid him anymore as long as he reads it.

_18:36, March 15th_

_Guess what. My parents found out. I'm so sorry but the thing is, I gave the money to Wonpil and asked him to keep the origin of it a secret._

Jae felt his guts churn.

_But somehow he ended up telling my best friend’s mom? And then my best friend’s mom thanked my parents thinking that I got the money from them. I think my parents got suspicious and started investigating._

_They caught me entering a motel with my client._

_Long story short, they dragged my ass home and after a couple of beatings from Dad, they told me that they will monitor everything I do when I'm outside._

_They send me to school, they make me do everything I'm supposed to do as their 'perfect' son (cool fact: they changed my piano teacher) and they want me to act normal. Like nothing happened. Fucking fuck. They fucking knew. They knew that their eighteen year old son was molested, raped and sold for sex but they still wanted to keep up front. For what? I'm so tired of this life. I bet filing a case didn’t even occur to them. I wanna die._

_Now even my best friend hates me because I kept on ignoring him. But what should I do? Every time I see him I get reminded that I sent my dirty money to him. And in spite of being the lowest whore that I became I can't stop loving him. See? He doesn't deserve to be the end receiver of this disgusting love ._

Jae held his phone with both hands and called Brian. He called and called. But Brian didn't pick up. He looked outside and saw the almost too familiar road. Brian's house was near. But it would still take about ten minutes more before he could reach his stop. He was shaking his legs erratically and biting his lower lip to stop them from trembling.

_16:52, March 19th_

_This is my last one. I will end everything today._

_I’m so sorry for making you read this Jae. I want to die but the stupid part of me still hopes that you left home upon reading the first entry. Because if you waited until Wonpil's name came out, the next bus sched would be ten minutes late._

Jae got up from his seat and ran towards the front. 

Rubbing his hands together in front of him, he kneeled in front of the driver, “Sir can we go faster?! Sir can we not stop at other bus stops and go straight to mine? Sir I'm begging you... my friend. My friend he’s…he’s--” 

He should not cry. He needed to speak clearly so the driver and the other passengers would understand what he wanted to say.

He inhaled deeply to drown his escalating fear and tried again. "Brian. You know him? He needs me. Now. Please."

The driver nodded and that was all it took for Jae to finally melt down on the floor.

But once his stop arrived and the door opened, Jae bolted outside of the bus, completely forgetting to thank the driver. He didn't even apologize to all the passengers he had inconvenienced. 

All he thought about was Brian.

He ran through the crowd, bumping into people several times. Still, he didn’t stop to apologize. 

He was running out of time. 

The way to Brian’s house that was supposed to be just a five minute walk from the bus stop seemed to stretch further and further. 

Jae’s eyes clouded with unshed tears as he ran across the playground that he was supposed to walk his way around. 

And then he ran some more towards the familiar peach colored house. When he finally reached it, he didn’t bother ringing the doorbell and just went straight to climb the low fence. 

After banging the door thrice, he rounded the house to climb the tree next to the kitchen when no one answered. 

The kitchen roof was the perfect way to Brian's room windows.

His hands were clammy and trembling along with his knees. 

He slipped twice and cut his hand while trying to keep himself from falling on the ground but he kept on climbing. 

Finally, he landed. 

He worked his way carefully treading the edge of the roof until he reached the glass windows. 

He peered inside but Brian wasn't anywhere in sight. 

He knocked a couple of times but no one answered him. 

Jae didn’t know how he managed to pull his sweaters over his head while minding his balance but he did. He wrapped his right hand with the cloth and with all of his strength, he punched the glass. 

At first, he only made a small crack but after pounding on the same spot over and over again, the glass gave in. 

He discarded his sweater on the ground below before letting his hand inside the window to turn the handle open.

Two seconds later he was already in. 

But there was no Brian.

"Bri? Where are you? It's Jae."

 _Tick tock._

The wall clock's second hand's movement resonated inside the otherwise dead silent room as if mocking him, telling him how late he was already.

His eyes flew towards the slightly open door of the bathroom.

In quick, full strides, he crossed the room and yanked it open.

There, inside the bathtub was Brian.

His brian.

Bathed in red.

Jae didn’t know how long he stayed like that; face buried in his hands as he sat there outside of the emergency room.

It was a good thing that Brian was still breathing when they arrived at the hospital. Good thing that he skipped reading some of the unimportant first entries of the diary. Good thing that the bus driver and the passengers understood him. He needed to thank them even if only through his prayers.

But how awful of a best friend was he that he let Brian to suffer alone like that? 

He had his doubts when his friend started to act more aloof. 

He should have persisted to know what was wrong when Brian appeared at school one morning with busted lips and swollen eyes even when he told him that it was nothing. And he should have fucking questioned why he started wearing eyeliners when he hated it so bad before. 

He should have. 

But sadly he didn’t. 

Because he was afraid that Brian might find out that he loved him more than a friend if he showed more hints that he cared for the younger way too much. That he might find out that he only dated Wonpil so that he could suppress his feelings for him. 

Now he realized how foolish he was. So fucking foolish. 

When Brian gets better tomorrow (or the day after that, or a week from now, months even, it didn't matter because he would wait for him anyway), Jae would tell him how much he loved him and even if he had to turn himself into a thread so he could stitch the younger's wounds, he would gladly offer his life and shred himself into the finest and toughest strands because Brian deserved only the best.

  
Twitter

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading~ forgive me for posting unedited bs T_T


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